In this report from the front line we saw "Heroic" pest controller Brian Whelan demonstrate his "dispatcher", a pliers-like instrument he uses to.......... errr...........dispatch captured pigeons in a personal struggle against the enemy, All who use this instrument are licensed to use it. Hmmmm licensed to kill.
But he does not work alone. He has a partner, a town patroller who serves £50 fixed penalties on people who feed the pigeons (and who presumably try to help the birds escape from their cages on the top of Ashton's Market Hall.) in defiance of the warning notices Brian puts up around the town centre urging the good folk of Ashton not to feed the birds.
So, it's all happening in Ashton. A private war fighting for control of the area, the hearts and minds of the population and ultimate victory over a dirty and verminous foe.The horror!