Friday, 28 December 2007

Tameside Citizen would like welcome the new UKIP contributor to this blog.

I agree with UKIP that the ‘big three’ political parties are all singing from the same hymn sheet, albeit at slightly different speeds, when it comes to the issue of Europe. Major signed the Maastricht Treaty, just as Brown signed the EU Constitution/Treaty. The British people have never been given the choice to vote on any of these treacherous treaties, just as they were never consulted about inviting millions of people from the third world to Britain to turn Britain into the ‘harmonious’ multi-cultural country we have now become.

I used to have total faith in parliamentary democracy, but now I am older, and a little wiser, I am also becoming more sceptical. I believe our faith in the system is used to fool us into accepting things that we are totally opposed to. A recent example was the outrageous attack on Iraq. If put directly to the people, most would have opposed the war, but just as with the hugely unpopular European treaties, we are not consulted and we are railroaded into a position where we wish not to be.

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

UKIP are going to be writing for this blog? Oh Christ. Things are going to go down hill!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for the warm welcome TC. I agree with most of your sentiments, I do not agree that people from the third world have created any more problems than European immigrants. This country is full, it matters not a jot which part of the world somebody comes from if they are using resources or jobs that should belong to people born in this country.
UKIP is a non racist party, which has a strong view on immigration, In fact our policy is for a 5 year moratorium any any new immigration.
I am looking forward to healthy debate and have no intention of trying to convert anybody, just an honest desire to inform people of my views.

Anonymous said...

I think TC has been misunderstood, I may comment on blogs, but I will not be posting Blogs

Anonymous said...

Want to help us combat the far right fascist operating in Dukinfield you dont have to be one of our party members local Conservatives,Greens ,Lib Dems,ukip ,have all contacted me with offers of help and support to campaign against them .

We do have huge amounts of information that will expose their far right fascist views and nazi connections ,dont be fooled by their new suits and hair cuts and thats just the women members ,dispite their poor showing in the local elections and loss of council seats over the past few years they are a threat to our democratic system and the way we live just like the nazis were .

Contact us join the fight because thats what it is .

Anonymous said...

What is the UKIP policy on the future of the Falkland Islands?

Anonymous said...

Wait a mo. I am just Googling for what the Tory policy is

Anonymous said...

I am not aware of any specific UKIP policy on the FI, however given our aims of holding together the UK , and our strong beliefs in the commonwealth, I would take it as read that UKIP would support the islanders to remain part of our dominions.
Having the ability to protect them is another matter, with liebour continuing the tory defence reduction strategy. Of course the bnp could send their militia armed with AK47s that they sleep with, but in the absence of a navy they might find it a long swim.
It may help to look at our defence review at:
http://www.ukip.org/ukip/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=245&Itemid=62

Anonymous said...

LABOUR not LIEBOUR!

We get the point that you don't like the New Labour crowd. Get over it.

Anonymous said...

Fair enough, but I did not like the old labour crowd either

Anonymous said...

UKIP rep, thanks for the courteous reply. Who do you believe is the best leader of your party, Farage or Knappman?

UKIP said...

Nuts and bolts organisation is Knapman, but is getting old.
Farage, great performer and a nice bloke, crap at admin but has had the sense to fully utilise John Whittaker and David Campbell Bannerman. so overall Nigel wins hands down. To see a good Nigel speech:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grLmZGlzBW8

Tameside Eye said...

UKIP fared better with Kilroy. He had his own chat show like Jeremy Kyle does today. Unfortunately he got shafted.

Anonymous said...

Is there any truth that UKIP propose that Britain should join NAFTA as a way of freeing ourselves from our dependence on the EU?

Anonymous said...

Well go on then one more goodwill gesture ---message to John Bell please take Liam back his letters and statements on the internet are some of the worst crawling I have ever seen or heard its embarrassing take him back and save him from making a fool of himself again.

UKIP said...

Ukip would, once free of the EU be able to negotiate free trade agreements with the EU, NAFTA and the Commonwealth. Most of our international trade is not with the EU

Anonymous said...

Well John Taylor should know all about crawling he's made a career out of kissing Roy Oldham's wrinkly old sponging arse.
Like the rest of his useless and expensive cabinet.

Anonymous said...

Can I Find) The Right Words (To Say) lyrics
Look up the right words
The ones for today
And use them correctly
And mean what I say
Answer the questions
Crossword confession
Interrogation
I'm down, can we meet
Is it true, do you cheat?
How far can I go?
How much do you know?
What's the definition?
How much did she mention?
How much does she know?
Can I find the right words to say?
The right words are so hard to say

It's a challenger puzzle
From the magazine section
Across with the questions
Do the ethics of reference
One hundred twenty brain teasers to torment you
One hundred thoughts
I can't find the right words to say
My meaning's not quite getting through
The right words are so hard to say
Can I find the right words for you?

Let's not hedge our bets
'Cause the odds are dependent
Please listen instead
Now the whispers are ending
The point's misleading
As points often do
Can I find the right words for you

Anonymous said...

Little Caesar lyrics
My name is Little Caesar
Friends call me LC
My Daddy's named the same
And passed it on to me
I'm the kinda guy who by and by
Who wants to be your friend
I'll make you a happy ending
I loop the loo
I do it good
I've been called alotta names
Some of them obscene
But you think I'm funny
And wonder about me
I don't worry anymore
Get uptight or fear
Back in the days of funny funny
They called me queer
They used to call me
They called me rudely

I'm a love 'em and leave 'em kinda fella
A good time gentlemen
Perform my magic for ya
Then I'll make my plan
When I'm gone you'll feel so low
Obsession outta hand
You'll find I'll linger in your mind
You can't forgive me
You won't forget me
You can't live without me
Can't live without me
You'll find there's not enough
And that you love too much
Can't live with me

You can't live with me
Can't live without me
Just call me Caesar

You can't forgive me
You won't forget me
I'm Little Caesar yeah

Anonymous said...

Every day you've go to wake up
Disappear behind your makeup
Take away your calendar watch
And you can't keep track until your heart attack

Hey, I'm living in a magazine, page to page in my submarine
Hey now, Cindy, you can't get to me
Need an elevator? Hey, I'll see you later

Cause I'm not living in the real world
I'm not living in the real world
I'm not living in the real world
No more, no more, yeah

I can be whatever I want to
I talk to me, I even agree
Every day's a holiday
You can look through the glass and take a photograph

You will never ever walk on the moon, leave your body and float through the room
You could never conquer me
Cause I'm not here and you're not there, yeah

And I'm not living in the real world
I'm not living in the real world
I'm not living in the real world
No more, no more, yeah
Didn't I ever tell you I was gone?
Didn't I ever tell you I was gone? Bye bye

I can do anything at all
I'm invisible and I'm twenty feet tall
Pull the plug on your digital clock
And it all goes dark and the bodies stop

Hey, I'm living in a magazine, page to page in my teenage dream
Hey, now, Mary, you can't follow me
Without a satellite - I'm on a power flight

Cause I'm not living in the real world
I'm not living in the real world
I'm not living in the real world
No more, no more
I'm not living in the real world
I'm not living in the real world
I'm not living in the real world
No more, no more, no more
No more, no more, no more
No more, no more, no more

Anonymous said...

In this proud land we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail

No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
Ive changed my face, Ive changed my name
But no one wants you when you lose

Dont give up
cos you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not beaten yet
Dont give up
I know you can make it good

Though I saw it all around
Never thought I could be affected
Thought that wed be the last to go
It is so strange the way things turn

Drove the night toward my home
The place that I was born, on the lakeside
As daylight broke, I saw the earth
The trees had burned down to the ground

Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up
We dont need much of anything
Dont give up
cause somewhere theres a place
Where we belong

Rest your head
You worry too much
Its going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us
Dont give up
Please dont give up

got to walk out of here
I cant take anymore
Going to stand on that bridge
Keep my eyes down below
Whatever may come
And whatever may go
That rivers flowing
That rivers flowing

Moved on to another town
Tried hard to settle down
For every job, so many men
So many men no-one needs

Dont give up
cause you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not the only one
Dont give up
No reason to be ashamed
Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up now
Were proud of who you are
Dont give up
You know its never been easy
Dont give up
cause I believe theres the a place
Theres a place where we belong

Anonymous said...

Don't they know it's Christmas?
Saturday, 22 December 2007
Christmas, the time of Christ, is an especially welcome holiday, an enduring celebration of a story that has been with us for more than 2,000 years. Recently, however, there have been forces at work that seem determined to suppress Christmas and the joy associated with it, writes Ralph Atkinson.

Sometimes this great festival is abbreviated to Xmas, from the Greek X or Chi, itself shorthand for Christ and down the centuries a usefully acceptable signature on legal documents for the illiterate (and it might come back given the state of our schools under New Labour).

But whether you call it Xmas or Christmas, for me the highlight is the Midnight Service at Blackheath Church, packed with friends from my local community and replete with some of Pugin's finest artworks (one of his stepping stones, it seems, to obtaining the contract for his famous interiors of the Houses of Parliament).

For other people, it's the traditional Christmas tree, Santa Claus and presents. I'll have some of that too please!

However some people take Christmas very seriously indeed, and I don't mean the shopkeepers.

When someone labels Christmas as the 'Winterval' on the grounds that Xmas may offend someone, they are attacking our foremost family festival. A festival of peace and goodwill to all mankind. They are attacking a commercial opportunity that boosts our economy and enriches Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, Hindu, agnostic, atheist, and Jedi alike. A celebration you can join whoever you are, Christian or not.

So when I and my fellow London activists campaigned in Brixton Market one Christmas against loony liberal Lambeth Council’s ban on Xmas lights, it was no surprise that we found not one person, shopper or trader, who was against celebrating Christmas. The local councillors, however, were so certain they knew best that they could not be bothered to walk 150 yards from the town hall to Brixton Market to ask local people their opinion.

The fact is that these secularists are anti-Christmas, because by bringing families together Christmas blocks their agenda. They resent families. Families support each other. Secularists want to replace families with the state. They regard Christmas as a problem because it reminds people about moral values that our politicians apparently don't share any more. Xmas is good for business large and small, while secularists would rather your fun was rationed because when you are having fun you are not being controlled by them.

Christmas also reminds everyone that this is a Christian country with long and varied traditions, and that is anathema to Europhiles and International Socialists, determined to submerge us into one harmonised Euro-culture. Above all, secularists loathe Christmas because anyone can enjoy it and it brings communities together. This offends them most of all, because when communities come together, where is the need for anti-racism monitors, inclusion advisers and diversity counsellors?

Now I'm not arguing against a proper separation of Church and state: we are a party for solutions not ideology. Nor would I object to an extra day off or so for Chinese New Year, Diwali, Eid and Guru Nanak's Day and so on. Yes indeed! But the fact is that we are different from Europe. In much of Europe the state triumphed, crushing the Church to become all-powerful – for example in the French Terror – and that attitude lives on in the EU. In the UK, the Church won in the guise of Oliver Cromwell's allied congregations. And because they differed, they had at least to try to consider each other’s views.

Admittedly, Cromwell separated Christmas, the religious festival, from Boxing Day, when gifts, until recently, were given – and if you've shuddered at adverts stating "only one hundred shopping days 'til Christmas", you'll understand where he was coming from.

Cromwell, however, was heavy-handed, like all people who think only they know best. Same mistake, different century. One of his dafter “legacies” is that it is still illegal to eat a mince pie on Christmas Day.

It was this insistence on curtailing Christmas frivolity, more than anything, that ensured the British people would decide "We're not having this!" and led to the return of monarchs. They, in a nutshell, are a lot more fun than miserable dictators.

So secularists, Euro-Nationalists, Winterval-jockeys, everyone who thinks they know best and Yuletide-bashers everywhere... Beware! The British have no time for killjoys.

And as for us, it’s a gift. When these miseries ban Christmas lights and other fun, we can get out there and campaign against them.

Ralph Atkinson is a UKIP MEPs’ assistant and researcher at the European Parliament in Brussels during the week, a London Committee member specialising in fundraising events, and a London Region street campaigner at the weekends

Anonymous said...

The current British State’s establishment and elite seems to have lost sight of England’s traditions in this area, as in so many others. In these traditions far more importance was placed on maintaining order than in nit-picking prosecutions for minor infractions of the law.

The basis for the maintenance of law and order in England had rested, before the British State became so over-weaning and politically correct, on a firm foundation of active participation by the law abiding citizenry.

It shows how far the British State has fallen from this ideal, that it used to be said that a police constable was merely a responsible citizen in uniform and generally had no more powers than any other powers of arrest than any other citizen. The retreat of the police and state from this ideal, was closely paralleled by the decline in respect for our increasingly paramilitary police force. The police seem to see their role increasingly as that of the enforcers of State rules and less as responsible citizens maintaining the delicate balance between Order and Liberty

Anonymous said...

One Sided Policy Monster raving loony Party.
It is proposed that The European Union end its discrimination by creating a "Court of Human Lefts" because their present policy is one_sided.

Prison Food
The problems of prison overcrowding and increased crime will be solved easily by issuing a compulsory contract on McDonalds to do all prison catering. Convervative estimates suggest a 50% reduction in crime rates within 2 years with 0% re-offender figures.

Political Colours
All politicians should paint them self's permantly head to toe in the colour of the party they represent - e.g. all Labour candidates in Red , all Conservatives in Blue ,etc,etc

One hours silence.
At 12 0' clock pm every day we will have a one hour silence dedicated to our time that has been lost due to work, home and labour

Good Heroes
Make it illegal for super heroes to use their powers for evil.

Safe Tractors
Ban tractors from driving on roads, they can drive across their fields.


Scary Terrorists
Ban all terrorists from having beards as they look scary.


Poop Scoop
Anyone allowing their Hyena to poop on the pavement should shovel it away immediately, As this is no laughing matter

Put a Sock in it
All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one.


A Hanging Offence
It is proposed to systematicly destroy all wire coat hangers.
Shirts slip off them. People hang them on doorhandles. They bend when you hang jeans on them. The flick off rails. They join together in pairs. The gaggle in dodgy, tinny, wiry orgies, tingling nastily. They have a static sneer. Have you ever actually seen anybody buy them? Who even sells them? Do they just appear in your wardrobes? They seem to have a near endless domestic omnipresence.
Not only a waste of wire, but a waste of time. How often have you had to rehang things on them? Or perhaps Reiron shirts after being bent ruthlessly shapelss thereon? Then they spin of the rail and onto the floor. You kick them and then get wrapped around your foot, or sibling. And then if you can find a bin that will fit such a stupidly angular object, the sadistic little sharp corner on the hook rips the bag and there it is again, escaped. What a malicious little sod.
Let's face it; The only use for metal coat hangers is to unravel them and make them into something else.
Therefore, it is proposed that all wire coathangers should be systematically hung, drawn and unravelled, under the 1936 Public Order Act.
Eurofit
The European Constitution which will be sorted out by going for a long Walk. "As everyone knows that walking is good for the constitution"

Sweet Shares
Sell shares in Northen rock, buy shares in Blackpool rock!

Terror Passport
Separate Passports for Terrorists: Terrorists should be required (by virtue of law) to apply for separate passports in which they give there full contact details, number of explosives, and time (as well as location) of any plot. This would save time and money in gathering intelligence, and could also help identify the intended ambition(s) behind any atrocity(s).

Obeescity in Kids
If you want your kids to be less fat...feed em less (do we need to make a policy of this?....its common sense)

Making Taxes Irrelevant
Abolishing the ‘inheritance tax’ is all well and good, but what will the funds be replaced with?
It is proposed to create an ‘irrelevance tax’, where people of limited seriousness make up the tax shortfall.
What better way to obtain public support than to abolish inheritance tax AND pay the public’s taxation at the same time!

Allotted Proposal
A proposal by DBopenlock. Make Weeding an olympic sport in order to save the 100 year old Manor Garden Allotments from being demolished for the 2012 games.

Isle of?
It is proposed that the Isle of Man be renamed to "The Isle of Men, Women, Children and some Animals" as not just men live there

NHS Dentistry.
All newly trained Dentists will be require to have three teeth removed, 2 fillings and root canal work done without anesthetic. Then they will know the agony they inflict on the rest of us.

Interesting News:
Every day the news should tell people an interesting fact in a hope to increase people's knowledge.

A Warm solution:
It is proposed that all pavements are heated so it is possible to walk bare foot in the winter, this would also serve another purpose by making the pavements warm no ice would form on them thereby reducing the risk of injury for everyone.

A Lions share:
It is proposed that we change the English symbol of three lions to 3 badgers. How often do you see lions running round the countryside, we should be proud of the lack of wild and interesting species on our fair isle.

Olimpic event:
'Following the Leader' is a pastime that has been cast aside by society today and we think it should become an extreme event in the Olimpicks. (We are keeping this one hidden from Tony Blair as he may make it law)

Political correctness
The Isle of Wight should be changed to: "The Isle of Mixed Races, and Cultures Located off the Coast of Britain."

Animal fashions
It is proposed that :Pets, especially cats and dogs, may not be dressed in miniature human clothing for the purpose of human amusement, unless the animal in question can equip the clothing himself/herself. Punishable by dressing the owner of the animal in miniature human clothing.

Edukayshun
GCSE English exams be given a more straight-forward layout, with lots of
short questions like the Maths papers have.

Education (Skool acktiviteas)
Homework should be banned as it is bad enough for kids having to go to school let
alone bring it home with them

Bright Skoolkids
Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.

Skool Dinners r hot?
School dinners must be regularly checked for radioactivity.

P.E.lessons
We should teach proper sports in P.E. e.g. Fishing, Fencing,
and how to let the head teacher's car tyres down without getting caught.

Education
As well as using computers in schools, children should be taught to reed, rite, and appreciate rock.

Keep Edukayshun Fit
In order to keep our teachers fit, 3 periods a week of PE will be allocated for teachers/headmasters and any ancillary staff who happen to be in the area (i.e dinner ladies etc,) (and pupils get to watch. Skipping for men and football for ladies)

Bench mark for schools
To combat discomfort and possible medical litigation, Cushions will be provided for all school chairs.

Skools Out
School will be dismissed if three or more pigeons make it into the central corridor.

SKool Dinners
Pizza Hut and KFC to provide school meals.

Teaching Skool Dress Code
All teachers should come to school dressed as pink teddy bears then they will
not be so intimidating.

Too much Talking
Languages should be banned in schools as most kids (and adults) have trouble with English.

No fly Zone
It is proposed to declare the Channel Tunnel a No Fly Zone.

Telling Fibbs
It is proposed that Political leaders are banned if they avoid a straight answer "Yes" or "No". As they may still be telling fibbs, any such person found to string out an answer longer than2.8 seconds should be forced to undertake a lie detector test.

Elecshun Lottery
It is proposed that people should have a free go on the national lottery when they go and vote.

Bugged Singers
All singers who's names sound like infectious diseases( i.e: Chriestina Aguilera, Natalie Imbruglia) will be provided with free antibiotics courtesy of the NHS, just in case it spreads. You can never be safe enough!

Paper (Health & Safety)
Paper cuts (being extremely painful) should be banned. Paper manufacturers will be required to surround all paper with a foam frame. This will ensure that it will not be harmful to children under the age of 80.

Say "No" to Cruelty
It is proposed to abolish all kinds of animal cruely including flie swatters, hunting, chasing kangaroos off cliffs etc, also eating of plants as it causes undue stress to the plant and all weed killers shold be considered as a weapon of mass destruction, pain should also be made illegal.

Poetic License
Poets will have to sign up for a 'poetic license' this way shoddy poetry will be eliminated. Also in the test for the license wannabe poets will need to write funny limericks. They will be asked to produce at least one a week, or they are stripped of their license.

Fun Shopping
To boost the country's economy - it is proposed that British citizens visit shopping centres wearing a squeeky red clown nose and green wig. This would make shopping mush more fun.

Stop Me and Fry One
Combine the love of Fishing with the great british love of queuing by putting bus stops near canals and lakes. This will also provide convenient homeward transport for britain's proud anglers and will save space.

Nice Curves
A government agency will be set up to paint contour lines on to hills and colour roads the same as on maps. This will help people know where they are.

Elections Make You Cross.
Why do we put a "cross" on the ballot paper.
A cross normally means "thats wrong".
We propose that a "tick" would be more suitable.
Putting across next to someones name on the ballot paper is as good as writing
"monumental cock up" next to their name.

Iraq.
Polcy on Iraq: Since Iraq needs to have a proper infrastructure before they can run their own country, I propose we send our traffic wardens out to Iraq to give tickets to American Jeeps and Tanks illegally parked thereby raising much needed revenue for the Iraq government (and giving us a much needed break!)

Prescott Day
Since we have Guy Fawkes day because Fawkes ATTEMPTED to destroy Parliament (Penny for the Guy, mate!) and we burn effigies of Fawkes, should we not have a John Prescott day for SUCCEEDING in destroying Parliament, well credibility at least (Penny for the John, mate!) and we could throw John on the bonfire.

National Defense.
To keep our nation on it's toes, we should have a minimum of 2 nuclear war drills a day.

Jumping the Que
We propose dedicated pogo stick lanes on routes to centres of work.

Parking Wardens Sarcasm.
All traffic wardens should be banned from using the phrase "Hello wing
commander having trouble taking off"

Lucky Month.
We propose to create 13th month, to get all those little things out of the way. The things you just never had time to do... like take out the trash, vote in a general election, learn Latin...
Another benefit would be that all monthly paid earners would receive an extra months pay.

Nessie
The Loch Ness Monster should be added to the endangered species list.

Good Knight
Ozzy Osborne must receive a knighthood.

Home of your Own
All new homes should be built with a swimming pool and bouncy castle as standard.
To lower the house prices and help young people I propose we erase the last ‘0’ from the price.

Seating Arrangements
All armchairs and sofas should be redesigned so as not to include a gap where small articles (such as loose change, keys, remote controls and kitchen sinks) can fall down.

Disipline in Parliament
Government Whips will only be used if a politician has been really bad. Minor offences should receive the political slipper.

Footnote
Asterisks will be banned*

Asylum's a Joke
All asylum seekers would be allowed to stay as long as they can tell a
good joke

Defense
All soldiers serving abroad would be issued with a long ranged laser
guided water pistols

Obecity...obeesIT....fat kids
To tackle the growing problem of obesity in children, It is proposed that all stair lifts in old folks homes be removed and replaced with hand operated pulley systems. These pulley systems will be operated by the obese children on a rotational period so as not to cut into their schooling. The effort required to lift these OAP's will be adequate exercise for our plump offspring.

Foreign policy:
Whenever Great Britain is to play host to a foreign nation in an international sporting event, the British teams should ensure that the visiting team wins. This is correct and proper - it is only polite to allow our guest to win a few games. The beneficial effects of such a policy should not be underestimated, indeed the recent war in Iraq could well have been averted if the forces of Saddam Hussein had been allowed to win a one day international cricket match or a nice game of rugger.

Saintly State
The creation of a "State-Saint-System" where-by people can vote for ANYONE who they wish to be blessed in as a saint - EXAMPLE. St Dodd of Tickle-stick, St Roy of the Rovers.

N.H.S
Chocolate be available as a prescription drug

Pay for Free CD's
Free CDs with magazines and newspapers be made genuinely free, and available to take away from shops, supermarkets and filling stations etc, and the purchase of the related newspaper and magazine selling the free CD, along with the CD itself be made an optional extra?
Those that choose not to buy the newspaper can then nominate a fish and chip shop to send the newspaper to, thereby supporting the environmentally friendly practice of paper recycling?
CDs aren't really free if you have to pay to get them!

Paperwaits
Weekend newspapers. They're rather heavy aren't they, especially broadsheets? A lot of supplements you'll never bother to read. A waste isn't it?
How about paying a price for the 'Basic Broadsheet Package', that of the main newspaper on its own, and then a small top-up charge for those newspaper supplements that you will actually read, and leave the other supplements on the shelf to remain available to those interested in them?

N.H.S
Maltesers should be on prescription.

Traffic
As you may be aware, there have been recent measures to reduce congestion in London with proposals for other major cities to follow suit. It is proposed that all car owners in the affected areas (London and soon Birmingham, Manchester, etc,) be forced to replace their cars with hovercrafts for the following reasons:
1. Hovercrafts can go on all terrain, meaning they can spread out, take short cuts and go on water etc.
2. As they are inflatable, being hit by one will be less painful.
3. They could use the canal system, thus creating extra jobs and revitalizing a sadly neglected part of our Heritage.
3. Electric eels like hovercrafts because of their association with the see, therefore, electric eels should be persuaded to jump start any hovercraft where the battery is dead.

Best meal of the Day
It is proposed that we should introduce Asparagus for breakfast.

Mind the manholes
In order to reduce polution all cars must have their engines removed, instead they should have holes in the bottom where people can put their feet and run along. This would be a little bit like the flintstones

Women's football
To get more men to watch women's football all players should have to swap shirts at the end of games (or better still, every time they kick the ball?)

Rainbow stop
It is proposed that we should get rid of three colour traffic lights, and replace it with a much larger spectrum.

Good Morning
It should be illegal to wake up prior to 9.00 A.M. Offenders will made to work on a treadmill for 25 hours, and then woken up after 30 mins heavy sleep with a large alarm clock. Thrown at them.
The exception to this rule will be Doctors who, will have to work longer hours due to the extra number of reported head injuries

An Englishman's home is his Chateaux
It is proposed that everyone in England should buy one hundred square meters (or be subsidized to do so) of France.
The English would then own France, saving a lot of arguments, and winning us another UN veto...
After owning France, It is proposed that we should rent it back to the French
Then we should start on Germany.

Fellowship of the OMRLP
It is proposed that being the Lord of the Ring should be illegal. Anyone who owns the Ring should hand it into the capable hands of the OMRLP. From now on, when ever someone disappears, they should be called "Smeagol" or "Gollum" instead of John or Jane Doe.

Harry's Potty
As punishment, for their crimes against fiction, Daniel Radcliff, Emma Watson and Christopher Columbus (Harry Potter, Hermionie and the director of Harry Potter, respectively) should be made to stand in front of the ridiculous sign in Kings Cross. Platform 3 and 3/4s,

Logical New Industries
The energizer should be invented. As should the Enterprise. As should the Vulcan.
Don't understand why? Well it is highly illogical...

Working Time Regulations
Dr. Who shall be made to work doctors hours, we shall not be biased towards Time Lords.

Computations
Canon should be shot. Dell shall be pelted with dill. There should be 5 Pentiums. Why arn't Windows crystal clear?

A Place in History
History should be renamed Geography. As in "Right that's it. You're geography!"

Waxing Works
Madame Tussaud's should be renamed Ms Tussaud's.

Start Wars
Jedi should be recognised as a Religion. Did you know that there are more Jedi's in England than Jews, Buddhists, Sikhs, or anything that isn't Hindu, Christian or Muslim.

Not liked
It is suggested that we should be xenophobic. But, being English, it isn't practical.

Guard Dogs
Guard Dogs shall no longer be permitted.(they're so vicious)
It is proposed that they will be replaced with Guard Tortoises,
called Shelly.

Olimpix
Supermarket Trolley Formation Dancing to be made an Olimpick event.

Health & Wealth
All persons born with "a silver spoon in their mouth" will have it surgically removed at birth on the N.H.S
This will help to prevent mental illness in later years. i.e. Delusions of Self Importance.

Things going Bad
We will set up an inquiry to find out if:
(a). Things are really that Bad and
(b). They are out to get you

Bon Voyage
We will pass a law ordering British Airways flight attendants to CHEER UP!

Keep Fit
P.E should be an optional school subject and not permited during winter. (Unless you permit it)

Spectator Sport
Cricket will be made more interesting by elliminating the use of padding. (and possibly Cricket Bats)

Keep Britain Tidy
People caught littering will be punished by being picked up by a large pair of forceps (The claw shaped grabbing devices used by park attendants) and dropped into the nearest landfill site. (Which will be relocated to their back yard)

K9 IQ
The true intelligence of dogs will be fully recognised and appreciated. (when did you last see a dog step in a human poo?)

Honoured for Good Taste?
It is proposed that Graham Norton to be Knighted and appointed as uniform designer for the police and armed forces.

English.
Anyone using American spelling should be made to carry a very large copy of the Oxford English Dictionary around with them for a week.

Always a Winner
The misuse of apostrophes will be punished by extra English lessons for the culprit. (For those who dont know, an apostrophes, is a trophy or certificate, that is sent by Post)

Sports Days
Any school banning sports days for their being too competitive, will have to hold a teachers-only athletics competition.

Stocks
The stocks will be re-introduced as a punishment for anti-social behaviour.

Security Issues:
All sealed private letters to be banned - we propose that all letters must be written on postcards, and emails to be routed through police stations. (After all honest citizens have nothing to hide)

Environment
It is proposed that all anglers be given free licenses from Sept - March. However the deal is that they don't throw the fish back. Water displacement will then lower the levels of the rivers..........ergo: No floods.

Edukayshun.
Ban the teaching of foreign languages. Instead, invest in other countries learning of English.

Prison Overcrowding.
To help prevent prisons becoming over crowded criminals may be required to be locked into their own homes.

Reforms for Firemen.
To help ease the duties of firemen:
The Loony party would paint little arrows on all trees so that cats could find their own way down. and all metal railings, would have a maximum gap of two inches (and no spikes) so that no one could get their heads stuck in them.

Preferenshall Treatment.
A number of ancient privileges are associated with the Freedom of the City of London - They include the right to herd sheep over London bridge, to go about the City with a drawn sword, and if convicted of a capital offence, to be hung with a silken rope. Other advantages are said to have included the right to avoid being press-ganged, to be married in St Paul's Cathedral, buried in the City and to be drunk and disorderly without fear of arrest.
It is proposed that these rights be extended by law to all OMRLP members.

Educaysion.
It is proposed that we should all be made to speak Latin. That would have several
beneficial effects
(1) It would slow us all down
(2)It would enable botanists to take over the government and regulate colour harmonies in windowboxes and the planting of daffodils
(3)It would enable us to at last understand what the Scots are upset about. The Cambridge Latin Course book,numbers 1,2,3,4 and 5 should be banned. Anyone who is called, or has been called "Quintus", "Salvius" "Caecillius" or "Cogidubnus" should be shot.
Even better, they should be sent to Rome, to beg forgiveness.

Eddukayshun.
Sports lessons to include paintball

Learning and fings.
Science lessons to be replaced by practical project to get a hamster on the moon

Eddukayshun.
Drama and English lessons to be dedicated to watching the Simpsons

Eddukayshun.
Pupils to be allowed to decorate the corridors

Pets.
It will be illegal to name your Cat "Cat Mandu". There can be only one

Pets.
All pets shall have the right to sensible names. 'Rover' and 'Cuddles' will be banned under the new law

Eddukayshun.
All pupil records will be abolished, only results from tests will be recorded for future use. This insane policy will help cut the Teachers work load and give them back more free time to teach.

Health.
Everyone will be encouraged to smile at least once a day. Passing the smile on will cheer up the person smiled at. A happy person is a healthy person

Sport.
The hundred metres sprint is over too quickly, therefore it will be slowed down by introducing the carrying of their grandmothers. Football shall stay as it is. Anybody wishing to take part in the Hammer Throwing competition must have a doctors certificate proving their sanity

Trade and Industry.
Industries will be made to clean themselves up, especially when advertising their products. If an advert claims 'you can't eat three' then this must be backed up by independent scientists, or a disclaimer must be shown stating the lie. The disclaimer must be double the size of the original advert.

Media.
The Media must print only the truth and publish apologies on the front page. Page three girls will only be acceptable if a page three boy is also shown. Stories featuring the eating of CurlyWurlys must be given the space before any other story, unless it's an apology about an untrue or bad CurlyWurly story.

Agriculture.
Green Vegetables shall be boiled in food colouring so that they are all bright red, because no-one likes greens

Regions.
Every region shall hold a gala. The only criteria specified shall be that Councilors will be held in stocks, while the electorate throw custard pies, eggs, rotten tomatoes at them. This will allow them to regain their humility. More Regions will be created so that more Councilors can be humiliated

Law and Disorder
Any dog owner caught allowing their dog to poo on the pavement must be given the chance to redeem themselves before going to court and paying a large fine by picking up two Tesco shopping bags worth of other dogs poo.

Environment
More trees should be planted to combat the rise in less trees. Brown field sites should be renamed to stop dog owners thinking they stand for dog poo sites.

Politicians with Stars in their eyes
In order to make politics more "user interactive" we suggest that the BBC launch a new “reality” show, called "Politicians!" along the same lines as "Popstars" in which Anne Robinson, “Nasty” Nigel, and Jeremy Paxman tour the country, auditioning thousands of young, fresh-faced political wannabes. We will replace all current MPs, with the winners of “Politicians!” (the exclamation mark gives it a “edgy” feel, to appeal to young, hip, viewers). In this way, our country will be governed by people who are not only enthusiastic, honest, and brave enough to face Anne, Nigel, and Jeremy, but can do a lovely “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” in four part harmony as well.

Bullseye
In keeping with the Government trend of setting up league tables and stupid impossible targets, we have decided that we will follow their example. We will reduce crime & disorder by October..........2001

Parlymentree reform
To encourage more people to vote we propose making the Parliamentary candidate selection process more fun. They would have to take part in a nationwide custard pie throwing competition. They would get a different coloured custard pie relating to their political beliefs, i.e., blue for Tory, blue for...err...Labour (!), yellow for lib Dems, invisible for independents, red for socialists.
"last man standing wins"

Knickers policies:
Underpants to be fitted with catalytic converters to reduce the amount of harmful emissions into the atmosphere.

Music??????
Boy bands should be outlawed as a great drain on the nations morale.

Future Road Safety.
We shall set up an inquiry into 1. What could be worse? and, 2.How many people do actually get run over by buses ....This will be done sometime in the future, possibly tomorrow.

Road Safety
Why are the 'airbags' in cars described as safety devices?
It is proposed that Car manufacturers replace Airbags with a Big Metal Spike pointing at the driver - That would make him drive much more safely.

Government White Papers
It is proposed that we introduce different coloured papers to brighten fings up.
Pink and red and Yellow, would be nice and we could introduce polka dots and rainbow striped paper. (This would be especially cheerful on Tax Assessment forms and V.A.T. Returns)

Consumer Affairs
Manufacturers will be made to compensate for the "Old and Inferior" goods that they have now replaced with "New and Improved"

Defence
We will spend less on de-fence and more on de-gate and de-garden in general so we can all enjoy more of de-grub,

Economy
Poetry will replace property as collateral.

Economy
Banks will be charged for looking after overdrafts.

Economy
Electricity bills will be cut in halved. Everyone will get a free pair of scissors.

Health
We will combat stress by abolishing Mondays ands having two Saturdays. Further reducing stress we will introduce the third class stamp. By the time your letter arrives the problem will have disappeared.

Health
Hospital waiting lists will be halved overnight. Patients with surnames beginning with letters A-M will be treated one week N - Z the next, hence the longest wait for treatment will be one week.

Environment.
People who drink gin and tonics will not be allowed ice. This will help to preserve the polar ice cap.

Environment
To make electric cheaper to produce all joggers will be placed in a huge revolving drum linked by a dynamo to the national grid.

Transport
One pedestrian is knocked down every 15 minutes in the United Kingdom and he's getting fed up with it. We intend to triple the width of all pavements to make our roads safer.

Environment
We will channel all the hot air coming from Parliament into a purpose built Wind farm just off the Coast, so that everyone will have free heating in the winter, and electric fans in the summer.

Yourup
A Downing Street spokesman has confirmed that in order to meet the conditions for joining the Euro the phrase 'spending a penny' is not to be used after the 31st of December 2001.
The Loony Party propose that from this date the correct terminology will be 'euronating'

Going in Circles
We will abolish roundabouts, and replace them with friendly Traffic policemen. (assuming there is such a thing)

Vote For a Public Holiday
Our thanks go to Mick Jones of Loughborough who pointed out that Elections are always held on Thursday, which happens to be one of the days of the week when most of us go to work.
As we British work the longest hours in Europe, it leaves little time for much else. Perhaps that why we have a low turnout. It is proposed that: we should try Sunday Elections, then we could pop in and sort out the democratic process on the way to Asda or B & Q?

Political reform.
Due to the massive increases which M.P's seem to vote for themselves it is proposed that:
A. All M.P,s should have to sign on at the local Employment Office and provide evidence that they have been doing some work.
B. All M.P's should be paid by the Social Security Office via a giro in the Post. Then we shall see how they like being short changed and paid three weeks late.
Political reform cont....
It is proposed that it would be illegal to call yourself a Party if it can be proved that you don't. (Having said that could someone check the Trades Description Act).

Political reform continued
It is proposed to: Reduce the deposits fees required to become a candidate, to 1 Yahoo
Everyone should be allowed to make a fool of themselves, without having to be rich or belong to a Political Machine.

Educaytion, Eadukshun, Edukayshun,
It is proposed that the Government re-instate Student Grants, as their parents have invariably already paid for them via taxes. Bearing in mind that the Students will also be contributing via their taxes in future years. (Probably many times over).

Transport
Jumping Red Traffic Lights is illegal.
It is proposed that: In future all offenders will be made to drive through them like everybody else.

1/2 Parking Fees
It is proposed that parking fees in Public Car Parks are made transferable to others. Why should we not be allowed to give the time remaining to someone else. At the moment Companies and Authority Car Parks are getting paid twice for the same space.
(Suggested on 23/3/00 by a member of The Nottingham High School)
It is also proposed that all 3 wheeled Reliant Robins, Bubble Cars and Mini’s get free or reduced fee parking in Public Car Parks At the moment they pay the same as a Rolls Royce or Cadillac.

Penshuners.
There has been some worry lately about the rising level of "Grey" Crime
The pic below taken on CCTV proves the point

Anonymous said...

This is like entering the twilight zone, we have the lot here - gay stalkers, crazed fascists, confused codgers (ukip) and limp wristed Tories. All we need now is a cage to put them all in.

Tom Hagen said...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you too Sean!

Didn't you nearly end up in a cage or should we not speak of that unfortunate incident?

Tom Hagen said...

Eh up Sean, perhaps you can help me with something. I sent a FoI to Purnell HQ. Still no reply... :|

Anonymous said...

Zionist Terror

BEIT DARAS MASSACRE
21 May 1948, after a number of failed attempts to occupy this village, the Zionists mobilized a large contingent and surrounded the village. The people of Beit Daras decided that women and children should leave. As women and children left the village they were ambushed by the Zionist army who massacred them despite the fact that they were only women and children fleeing the fighting.

Anonymous said...

UKIP now look to be taking the place of the now defunked bnp in the area we understand that resources will be made available for local UKIP members to continue with their push in Tameside

UKIP said...

Defunked bnp. does that mean they have lost their rhythm.
Pleased to see John is offering to help funding our campaign.
UKIP will never take the place of the bnp as we are at opposite ends of the political axis. bnp are much closer to labour.

Anonymous said...

Has John Taylor made an offer then? Please confirm UKIP.

So you saying one of your donors is close to the BNP in terms of politics? I doubt Councillor JT will be pleased with that remark.

Anonymous said...

UKIP are market driven pro Capitalist, the BNP claim to be economically to the left us. They believe in big government and a centralized administration.

Anonymous said...

Limp wristed Tories?
I'd rather be limp wristed Sean than closed fisted like a couple of your friends on the Council.

Anonymous said...

Ukip, will you putting a candidate in Dukinfield I will vote for you?

Anonymous said...

Might as well piss in the wind mate